Monday, March 7, 2011
Other People's Parenting
Our social networks influence us in ways we don't even realize consciously. How those networks affect our parenting is just beginning to be understood. Editor Jennifer Niesslein investigates.
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6 comments:
Interesting feature. My favorite quote is from Nicholas Christakis: "When people are in what is known as a liminal state--that is, they're in a position between things . . . people tend to drop their guard and are open to new experiences and new relationships." This reminded me of when I was a new stay-at-home father in my early thirties and found myself talking binkies with all kinds of women, including a sixteen-year-old single mom at the local family center. It occurred to me that before parenthood she and I probably would not have had much to talk about.
Regarding the relative shock value of extravagant birthday parties in the article, perhaps that is why TLC started airing a show called "Outrageous Kid Parties." The commercial alone got my wife and I stirred up, but maybe that's just because we are not part of that "village." We have not seen the show, but I wonder what others think?
I liked this piece a lot. It made me think a lot about the mothering company I keep and how that may have influenced some of my decisions.
It also made me wonder how the highly accessible world of mommy blogs may be affecting mothers' parenting styles.
For instance, what are the widespread effects of the many popular blogs depicting mothers spending their days happily devoted to doing crafty projects with their children in a spotless, tastefully decorated house?
(this was a great issue overall, I tried to make it last, but as usual read it in 2 days).
This piece made me reflect on how my parental friendships have come and gone as my daughter has changed her friendships. Even if I have a lot in common with a parent, if our daughters are no longer friendly, we just don't see each other. And then there are the friends where the parents are people you'd never really want a relationship with, because their values are actually quite different from yours. My daughter goes to a very small, secular, private school, and still, there are a range of different parenting styles and overall life-values.
For the last several years I've been involved in a program at Landmark Education that explores the power of conversation in one's immediate and outlying circles. It's not merely hypothesis that these conversations are powerful and contagious and the work I've done takes the idea further by encouraging participants to start having conversations that really matter to them: thus influencing others to do the same.
As a mommy blogger I've definitely been influenced by the subject matter and tone of other mommy blogs. As I work on a new project about the transformation of family in society, I'm seeing that I will have to instigate my own conversations about being a parent: conversationsthat will either take off by being repeated by others or disappear as if they were never spoken.
This article is a great introduction for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of why they do and think some of the things they do - as well as how they can begin to do and think some new things.
The first step is to just start talking about these new things and watch and listen to what happens.
I believe social networks must have some influence on parenting for sure. The reason is that most new moms/dads stay far away from their own parents. When they need parenting advice/info, they tend to check from friends and internet.
I also think that social network is the source of information for modern parents.
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