I'm a 49-year-old mother of two boys also, ages 6 and 8. I try hard not to think about it all that much. I'm just so thankful I could give birth to two healthy kids. I think my husband and I are still pinching ourselves.
I do work out religiously, in order to keep up with them.
I think you are as old or young as you feel inside. It's an attitude that directs your thinking. I'm in my 40's and with two young children and nobody has ever said or detected that I am forty something. Sometimes I wish people know that especially when I hear one mom keeps referring herself as being too old for this or that. And one time when I was on the elevator with my two year old, two old ladies said, " Oh... that's why old women don't have children, young children are for young women..." They were referring to the energy that it takes to chase after my two year old. Little did they know that I am not the typical 30's some year old mom for this two year old. I think overall, it's an attitude that counts.
My husband and I are 51 year old parents of a 7 year old boy. Luckily, I've never been told I look like a grandmother. I have to laugh when people ask me if we are going to have another child. (As if!) Still, our son thinks the only way to stand up is with grunting and groaning, like his mom and dad.
Despite the constant fatigue when we are at home and guilt when we are at work my husband and I daily say to each other how lucky we are to have such an incredible and wonderful child. If his energy were only contagious....
My husband and I are are both in our second marriage, and he knew when he married me that I hadn't felt like I was finished with childbearing, plus he seemed to have yearnings to share a child with me. Now, here we are with a one-year-old daughter, me 37 and him 11 years my senior, and I catch myself feeling guilty for saddling him with a baby "at his age." He never ever indicates that he regrets our decision to have a baby, but he and I both worry about him being around in her teen years, let alone having the energy to keep up with a child (longevity does NOT run in his family). Still, in both our eyes, our daughter is a precious jewel and a gift from God.
Oh, I feel your pain! I have a 4 yo and 2 yo and am in my 40's. When I took the kid's to see Santa last Dec, Mrs. Claus asked if I was their grandmother. MRS. CLAUS!!! I must have looked stunned as she tried to make me feel better by telling me that her daughter had had her children 'later' too. Sigh.
I am a mother of two biological boys 17 and 14 and two children by marriage 19 and 17. I am 38!! I have always felt like an old soul but am young. I teach kindergarten and everyday look in the mirror and love dressing like a grandmother. Big skirts, wrinkles,lavendar lotion, hair in a bun.Remember your grandma!! I love mine who is 90!! Being a grandmother or called one is more than wrinkles it is about radiating wisdom, warmth and love!! Bask in it ladies we are blessed to be the guardians of these beautiful children!!
When I was a teenage girl I gave my mother a scroll with a painting on it of a very old woman with a deeply lined face. She looked wise and kind. I felt very drawn to her. In giving the scroll I wanted to say to my mom that this is where she was headed, where we were headed . . . not as in you are doomed to a zillion wrinkles, but as in you are gaining a transcendent wisdom that is its own kind of beauty. An effort to embrace my mother. But I always worried she took it the other way. When I left home for college she hung the scroll in my bedroom and it was there for me when I came home over the summer. A sort of "right back at you." Fair enough. Interesting that 30 years later, I still remember it.
I am a 45 year-old mother with children 11 and almost 9. Although my obstetrician in the small town where my daughter was born called me his "old lady," I don't feel like an old mother now that we live in a large city where there are many others like me. I do have some mixed feelings about aging--I have started wearing makeup but have decided not to die my hair--but they have to do with my body more than my role as mother. I think it was harder for my mother, who had me when she was 40. I remember being embarassed by her when I was in high school, but I think it was only partly her age and more the fact that she was more working class than my friends' parents (that's a whole other topic!) and walked on a cane for medical reasons, making her look even older. Although I am ashamed of my shallowness now, I somehow don't fear that my children will feel the same way about me because they get to see such a wide range of mothers in their community, which feels like a blessing.
I gave birth to my first child at 36, and my second at 38 -- the same age my mother was when she had me. My youngest is now 7 months. As I face the daily challenges of mothering a 3 year old and an infant, i am deeply grateful for the patience that came with age. As for energy, kids are tiring whether you are 24, 34, or 44.
Embrace your wrinkles! Because i scowl when i read, I developed deep furrows between my eyebrows while earning my PhD. I proudly wear my "PhD lines" and hope to also teach my kids that brains are better than beauty.
One day I was thinking about trees and how they come out new and fresh with their light green leaves and maybe their flowers each spring. So young. Then how those leaves darken and they look so strong throughout the summer. Full. Capable. Working hard to protect us and the earth. And THEN comes the fall. Every fall I ask myself, "was it possibly this beautiful last year?" when the leaves are at their peaks in yellow and orange and red. And, every year, it's right before we lose them. They are their most incredible selves, amazing us, in the fall of their lives.
I have a 17 year old, born when I was 22, and now a 10 month old - that makes me a few months from 40 -38 when pregnant, 39 giving birth.... So far, I honestly don't feel a difference in energy, and I cringe when my Mom makes the occasional "oh, but your energy..." comment. The best was when the hospital pediatrician launched into a dissertation about younger mothers being great physical mothers but terrible emotional mothers, and vice-versa. Sheesh! I will do my best to maintain my health and energy level and I will love her as voraciously as I have my other daughter. The one thing I've struggled with is hindsight - since the birth of this child I've had a tendency to question or feel guilty about choices I made as a young mother. The flip side is that I have the gift of lessons-learned from a variety of parenting stages, which may help me and my husband feel a little less lost during trying times. We'll see!
I love this topic! After trying to conceive for 6 years my husband and I were surprized and delighted to discover I was pregnant! I enjoyed an easy pregnancy and gave birth at age 44.
It is very difficult to connect with new mothers because they are all so much younger than I. It is painful for me because I want my child to have lots of friends and my social circle is so limited as I am trruly an odd ball at the play ground. I watch all the young mothers chatting and introducing themselves to each other and I am invisable.
I had needed a c-section delivery due to a problem with my child's umbilical cord. The next day a nurse told me: "You are lucky you had a c-section because at your age you never would have been able to push." That comment devastated me. I had no idea I appeared so old. Now, 3 years later I am still grappling with this issue and I am often remind myself that the pressure society places on older mothers is self-imposed. This is MY experience, My life and I need to decide how I feel. I don't need to be embarassed or made to feel like a lesser person because I am older. I need to forge ahead with joy and pride at this beautiful gift of parenthood.
I love the author's comment "I'm walking away from the mirror and back into my life." Well said! In today's image conscious and youth obsessed culture it is difficult to avoid the vanity trap, but we need to keep it all in perspective.I try to maintain a positive self image and body image so I can model self acceptance- no matter what age- to my four children.
I had my only child when I was 42 - I'm 51 now. I know a few other women who had babies in their late 30s and 40s so I don't feel unusual. I feel very lucky to be around children at this stage of my life - I'm not going through the typical menopause/empty-nest syndrome that many of my peers are going through, for me it is menopause/ children's 'Star Wars' birthday party! And many other peers didn't have children at all - I feel so fortunate to have scraped into motherhood. I'm fit and healthy and do many outdoors activities with my son - more than my own parents did with me.
I appreciate this essay and the comments from the other moms. My daughter's second birthday is tomorrow. My son's fifth birthday is in May. My 46th birthday is in May. Sometimes when I'm changing my daughter's diaper the words, "What was I THINKING?" Come into my head. And my son pushes my buttons as if he installed them himself. But, they are my heart's delight and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom.
I had my first son at 18...everyone thought he was my little brother. My second I had at 27. Now I'm in a funny position of having two very distinct set of "mommy friends". My older son is 12, and many of those moms are 15+ years older than me. They are back at work, they see movies, they read books with chapters, they see the light at the other end of the tunnel of parenthood...haha...it's there, I swear! I have developed some very close friendships with a few of these women. My other "mommy friends" are closer to my age, having had my second son at a "normal" age (notice I put it in quotes! No judgements from the ex-teen mom about what age you should have your kids at :) Anyway, I feel so old around some of these younger moms (many of which are STILL older than me by a few years!) While they are fussing over every boo-boo, milestone and decision, I'm talking to my older son about condoms and girls(gulp!) I just can't stress over every little toddler thing...it all seems so silly and trivial. The plus side is, my younger son is growing up to be a WAY more mellow kid...less Mom-inflicted stress??
There's postives on both ends. If your older, you have a better job, a career, you've had experiences, you are more likely to be financially stable. As for me, I kick some serious butt at Guitar Hero. I won't be as "cool" when my youngest is in middle school, but I'll have been a lot more stable throughout his childhood-financially and maturity-wise. That's the trade off, huh?
We have an older dad at my son's school, and he always introduces himself as , "Hi, I'm not Jason grandfather!"
Try Bare Minerals...my mom swears by it. Or say *@%! it and enjoy mommyhood. There's no "right" way or time to do it!!
I had my first child at 40 and he has Down Syndrome. I never used to worry about looking old, but now I do because I don't want people to think "she should have known better than having a child at her age." I don't know why I worry about that because he's the light of our lives (he's 11 months now), but sometimes I do.
I can totally relate, and in fact have blogged on this exact subject. I became a mom at 42, and in an efforts to connect with mom peers, I launched Motherhood Later....Than Sooner. It is a community/resource for those parenting later, and it's proven to be a big comfort and socializing outlet, where age is a non-issue. It's a shame that in a society where so many are becoming "later" moms, that there are still those who judge and pass comments that are uncalled for.
19 comments:
I'm a 49-year-old mother of two boys also, ages 6 and 8. I try hard not to think about it all that much. I'm just so thankful I could give birth to two healthy kids. I think my husband and I are still pinching ourselves.
I do work out religiously, in order to keep up with them.
I think you are as old or young as you feel inside. It's an attitude that directs your thinking. I'm in my 40's and with two young children and nobody has ever said or detected that I am forty something. Sometimes I wish people know that especially when I hear one mom keeps referring herself as being too old for this or that. And one time when I was on the elevator with my two year old, two old ladies said, " Oh... that's why old women don't have children, young children are for young women..." They were referring to the energy that it takes to chase after my two year old. Little did they know that I am not the typical 30's some year old mom for this two year old. I think overall, it's an attitude that counts.
My husband and I are 51 year old parents of a 7 year old boy. Luckily, I've never been told I look like a grandmother. I have to laugh when people ask me if we are going to have another child. (As if!) Still, our son thinks the only way to stand up is with grunting and groaning, like his mom and dad.
Despite the constant fatigue when we are at home and guilt when we are at work my husband and I daily say to each other how lucky we are to have such an incredible and wonderful child. If his energy were only contagious....
My husband and I are are both in our second marriage, and he knew when he married me that I hadn't felt like I was finished with childbearing, plus he seemed to have yearnings to share a child with me. Now, here we are with a one-year-old daughter, me 37 and him 11 years my senior, and I catch myself feeling guilty for saddling him with a baby "at his age." He never ever indicates that he regrets our decision to have a baby, but he and I both worry about him being around in her teen years, let alone having the energy to keep up with a child (longevity does NOT run in his family). Still, in both our eyes, our daughter is a precious jewel and a gift from God.
Oh, I feel your pain! I have a 4 yo and 2 yo and am in my 40's. When I took the kid's to see Santa last Dec, Mrs. Claus asked if I was their grandmother. MRS. CLAUS!!! I must have looked stunned as she tried to make me feel better by telling me that her daughter had had her children 'later' too. Sigh.
I am a mother of two biological boys 17 and 14 and two children by marriage 19 and 17. I am 38!! I have always felt like an old soul but am young. I teach kindergarten and everyday look in the mirror and love dressing like a grandmother. Big skirts, wrinkles,lavendar lotion, hair in a bun.Remember your grandma!! I love mine who is 90!!
Being a grandmother or called one is more than wrinkles it is about radiating wisdom, warmth and love!!
Bask in it ladies we are blessed to be the guardians of these beautiful children!!
When I was a teenage girl I gave my mother a scroll with a painting on it of a very old woman with a deeply lined face. She looked wise and kind. I felt very drawn to her. In giving the scroll I wanted to say to my mom that this is where she was headed, where we were headed . . . not as in you are doomed to a zillion wrinkles, but as in you are gaining a transcendent wisdom that is its own kind of beauty. An effort to embrace my mother. But I always worried she took it the other way. When I left home for college she hung the scroll in my bedroom and it was there for me when I came home over the summer. A sort of "right back at you." Fair enough. Interesting that 30 years later, I still remember it.
I am a 45 year-old mother with children 11 and almost 9. Although my obstetrician in the small town where my daughter was born called me his "old lady," I don't feel like an old mother now that we live in a large city where there are many others like me. I do have some mixed feelings about aging--I have started wearing makeup but have decided not to die my hair--but they have to do with my body more than my role as mother. I think it was harder for my mother, who had me when she was 40. I remember being embarassed by her when I was in high school, but I think it was only partly her age and more the fact that she was more working class than my friends' parents (that's a whole other topic!) and walked on a cane for medical reasons, making her look even older. Although I am ashamed of my shallowness now, I somehow don't fear that my children will feel the same way about me because they get to see such a wide range of mothers in their community, which feels like a blessing.
I gave birth to my first child at 36, and my second at 38 -- the same age my mother was when she had me. My youngest is now 7 months. As I face the daily challenges of mothering a 3 year old and an infant, i am deeply grateful for the patience that came with age. As for energy, kids are tiring whether you are
24, 34, or 44.
Embrace your wrinkles! Because i scowl when i read, I developed deep furrows between my eyebrows while earning my PhD. I proudly wear my "PhD lines" and hope to also teach my kids that brains are better than beauty.
One day I was thinking about trees and how they come out new and fresh with their light green leaves and maybe their flowers each spring. So young. Then how those leaves darken and they look so strong throughout the summer. Full. Capable. Working hard to protect us and the earth. And THEN comes the fall. Every fall I ask myself, "was it possibly this beautiful last year?" when the leaves are at their peaks in yellow and orange and red. And, every year, it's right before we lose them. They are their most incredible selves, amazing us, in the fall of their lives.
I have a 17 year old, born when I was 22, and now a 10 month old - that makes me a few months from 40 -38 when pregnant, 39 giving birth.... So far, I honestly don't feel a difference in energy, and I cringe when my Mom makes the occasional "oh, but your energy..." comment. The best was when the hospital pediatrician launched into a dissertation about younger mothers being great physical mothers but terrible emotional mothers, and vice-versa. Sheesh! I will do my best to maintain my health and energy level and I will love her as voraciously as I have my other daughter. The one thing I've struggled with is hindsight - since the birth of this child I've had a tendency to question or feel guilty about choices I made as a young mother. The flip side is that I have the gift of lessons-learned from a variety of parenting stages, which may help me and my husband feel a little less lost during trying times. We'll see!
I love this topic! After trying to conceive for 6 years my husband and I were surprized and delighted to discover I was pregnant! I enjoyed an easy pregnancy and gave birth at age 44.
It is very difficult to connect with new mothers because they are all so much younger than I. It is painful for me because I want my child to have lots of friends and my social circle is so limited as I am trruly an odd ball at the play ground. I watch all the young mothers chatting and introducing themselves to each other and I am invisable.
I had needed a c-section delivery due to a problem with my child's umbilical cord. The next day a nurse told me: "You are lucky you had a c-section because at your age you never would have been able to push." That comment devastated me. I had no idea I appeared so old. Now, 3 years later I am still grappling with this issue and I am often remind myself that the pressure society places on older mothers is self-imposed. This is MY experience, My life and I need to decide how I feel. I don't need to be embarassed or made to feel like a lesser person because I am older. I need to forge ahead with joy and pride at this beautiful gift of parenthood.
I love the author's comment "I'm walking away from the mirror and back into my life." Well said! In today's image conscious and youth obsessed culture it is difficult to avoid the vanity trap, but we need to keep it all in perspective.I try to maintain a positive self image and body image so I can model self acceptance- no matter what age- to my four children.
I had my only child when I was 42 - I'm 51 now. I know a few other women who had babies in their late 30s and 40s so I don't feel unusual. I feel very lucky to be around children at this stage of my life - I'm not going through the typical menopause/empty-nest syndrome that many of my peers are going through, for me it is menopause/ children's 'Star Wars' birthday party! And many other peers didn't have children at all - I feel so fortunate to have scraped into motherhood. I'm fit and healthy and do many outdoors activities with my son - more than my own parents did with me.
I'm happy to read this article today because a clerk referred to my daughter as my granddaughter today.
I've been expecting this because I'm 44, and she's 3.
My lines are too deep to be covered by make-up, too, and I don't have the time to keep up with covering the gray so I'm just letting it be there.
But I do feel tired, and I realize the comments will come more often now.
I appreciate this essay and the comments from the other moms. My daughter's second birthday is tomorrow. My son's fifth birthday is in May. My 46th birthday is in May. Sometimes when I'm changing my daughter's diaper the words, "What was I THINKING?" Come into my head. And my son pushes my buttons as if he installed them himself. But, they are my heart's delight and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom.
Other end of the spectrum:
I had my first son at 18...everyone thought he was my little brother. My second I had at 27. Now I'm in a funny position of having two very distinct set of "mommy friends". My older son is 12, and many of those moms are 15+ years older than me. They are back at work, they see movies, they read books with chapters, they see the light at the other end of the tunnel of parenthood...haha...it's there, I swear! I have developed some very close friendships with a few of these women. My other "mommy friends" are closer to my age, having had my second son at a "normal" age (notice I put it in quotes! No judgements from the ex-teen mom about what age you should have your kids at :) Anyway, I feel so old around some of these younger moms (many of which are STILL older than me by a few years!) While they are fussing over every boo-boo, milestone and decision, I'm talking to my older son about condoms and girls(gulp!) I just can't stress over every little toddler thing...it all seems so silly and trivial. The plus side is, my younger son is growing up to be a WAY more mellow kid...less Mom-inflicted stress??
There's postives on both ends. If your older, you have a better job, a career, you've had experiences, you are more likely to be financially stable. As for me, I kick some serious butt at Guitar Hero. I won't be as "cool" when my youngest is in middle school, but I'll have been a lot more stable throughout his childhood-financially and maturity-wise. That's the trade off, huh?
We have an older dad at my son's school, and he always introduces himself as , "Hi, I'm not Jason grandfather!"
Try Bare Minerals...my mom swears by it. Or say *@%! it and enjoy mommyhood. There's no "right" way or time to do it!!
I had my first child at 40 and he has Down Syndrome. I never used to worry about looking old, but now I do because I don't want people to think "she should have known better than having a child at her age." I don't know why I worry about that because he's the light of our lives (he's 11 months now), but sometimes I do.
I can totally relate, and in fact have blogged on this exact subject. I became a mom at 42, and in an efforts to connect with mom peers, I launched Motherhood Later....Than Sooner. It is a community/resource for those parenting later, and it's proven to be a big comfort and socializing outlet, where age is a non-issue. It's a shame that in a society where so many are becoming "later" moms, that there are still those who judge and pass comments that are uncalled for.
Robin
www.motherhoodlater.com
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